Six Weeks

2017-05-14 20.51.55A useful heuristic from @mdotdoc

It takes six weeks to create an overuse injury

This rule of thumb works very well and has a number of implications – particularly if you are sick or injured on a six-week cycle!

Before undertaking a new initiative, I remember the good doctor’s advice and ask myself…

Do I think I can sustain this initiative for six weeks?

Here’s an example…

I want to do a lot of skiing next winter. I know that my limiters are quickness, anaerobic endurance, balance and “all-three-at-the-same-time”.

I spent an afternoon researching my options to address my limiters. In researching the plans, I realized that I lacked both the will, and the capacity, to do what was required.

Circling back to the six-week heuristic… I came up with a plan — 12 traditional strength workouts and 12 plyometric workouts. Each session is 15-30 minutes long.

The total commitment is 8 hours out of 42 days.

Seems tiny.

Three weeks in… I’m getting it done, just!

Long-term progress comes from keeping small promises to yourself via daily action.

The habit of one positive step, daily, is more important than the height of the step.

Default Emotions – parents dancing with anger

A mother shares a story about her struggle with hate. Specifically, she is troubled by the thought that she hates parenting and, possibly, her preschooler.

She’s not alone.

Living with someone from birth to high-school graduation, I expect to feel every emotional state.

Hate, anger and rage are powerful, and unpredictable, emotions. In Boulder County, they are socially taboo when directed at children.

Therefore, as a parent, you’re likely to remember when you feel these emotions around children.

You are feeling everything.

You are remembering hate.

What’s your default emotional state?

Thinking about the five people closest to me. We default to…

  • Tears (flight)
  • Confrontation (fight)
  • Fear (flight)
  • Emotional shutdown (flight)
  • Anger (fight)

Within a preschooler, I can see all of the above within a ten-minute span!

Combine a rainbow of powerful emotions… with a lack of sleep… it’s easy to drop into my default emotional state.

In my case, I tend to pause and address later, when the energy has left the situation.

Take stock of your consumption of external emotions.

  • Media
  • Situations
  • Peers

How do the above make me feel?

Replace the negative with self-care.

  • Are you sure?
  • Are you sure you are feeling hate?
  • Are you sure your child is the reason for the emotion?

Frustration at my lack of skill can feel like anger.

How do skilled teachers feel about my child?

Negative emotions (hate, anger, rage) indicate a need to up-skill for the essential and out-source the non-essential.

Your mommy-guilt might be leaving you tapped out.

Being tapped out means your children, and your marriage, never see your best self.

Tapped out is a tough way to spend a decade.

 

Who sees my best self?

2016-12-12-15-26-09Another component of the price I pay is to whom I direct my best self.

The answer cuts through all the BS I tell myself.

What do my kids actually see?

What does my spouse actually experience?

2016-12-14-10-43-23When I was trying to win an Ironman, my coaches and training partners saw my best self. These people were essential to my success and we had a great time doing what it took to improve.

Not coincidentally, I met my wife while training. During the summer of 2004, the only place you could find my best self was training for triathlon.

With the birth of my first child, success was frustrating remote. My internal life was frazzled, angry and exhausted. If I opted out then I would strain my marriage.

So I asked for help and studied experienced preschool teachers.

I paid attention to what was required to present my best self to my kids, and my spouse. [the list I shared]

I paid attention to the conditions present when I fell short (noise, conflict, hunger, fatigue).

Noise and conflict are inevitable with young kids. However, there are many opportunities to get support and stretch my emotional limits gradually.

2016-12-07-06-56-12Like the rest of this series – it makes more sense when we invert the advice.

Good people won’t stick around in the face of our worst selves.

 

Managing Exceptional People

2016-11-18-15-12-34While certain personality types tolerate constant correction, it’s corrosive to a relationship with an Alpha Child.

Here’s what works…

One Thing – What one thing, if it happened, would take performance to a new level? Pick your battles (or you will be constantly battling).

Default Position – When managing the highly competent, what’s your default position? Is it frequent, small doses of approval backed by admiration? It should be.

Skill Acquisition – Your Alpha Pups are keen to please by learning skills and completing tasks. ABC => Always Build Competence.

Mistakes – Make mistakes visible, teach a different approach with better outcomes then get back to your One Thing. Learning to forgive your own mistakes will help you forgive others.

If in doubt keep my mouth shut and work on my own one thing.

2016-11-22-07-14-18If you were taught constant-correction management (particularly in childhood) then it’s going to be tough to change.

Keep It Simple!

Pause.

Ask yourself…

What’s my One Thing, here?

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With my oldest…

  • One Thing – reading
  • Default Position – let things happen
  • Skill Acquisition – swimming, camping, sailing, enjoyment of nature, aerobic capacity, strength, reading, math, writing, persuation
  • Mistakes – teach via mantras AFTER the energy of conflict has left

The main thing people need is love.

Damage Limitation Strategies – Nutrition

2016-12-09-16-30-38My mind has the tendency to ascribe meaning, and narrative, to my daily choices/actions/words.

Properly managed, this desire to “make sense” is a powerful tool for positive change.

2016-12-08-08-27-44Nutrition has NOTHING to do with nutrition.

What we end up eating has a lot to do with appetite, habit and availability.

I’ve watched nutritional science change so often, and so dramatically, that it has lost its credibility with me.

Here’s what I’ve noticed…

  • Exercise is the best medicine I can give myself
  • Excessive stress results in poor choices
  • Prior food choices, sleep and exercise impact my neurochemistry

The above can work together in a positive, or a negative, feedback loop.

Regardless, they are always working.

2016-12-07-11-23-01Why does “Eat Huge Salads” work?

  • Buying healthy food makes you a healthy person
  • Preparing healthy food makes you a healthy person
  • Unlike ice cream, cold cereal or beef chili with rice… I have to chew a salad – chewing slows me down (habit creation) and increases my satisfaction beyond the next meal (appetite moderation)
  • A mixing bowl of salad makes subsequent poor choices physically painful (adverse consequences)
  • Large amounts of fiber keep me regular and there is a emotional release from good elimination
  • Salad is the food choice with the lowest number of calories per bowl
  • It works because it works – while my explanations might be back fit-BS, the results are real

Whatever you eat for the next three years, you will come to believe that your choices are delicious. Don’t believe me? Listen to people who think differently. We are hardwired to believe in the merits of our prior choices.

Pay attention to your mantras – what you say after you eat, what you say about food, what you say about yourself.

Choose wisely – our minds are always watching, listening, rationalizing.

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Apples!!!

Two to three apples is a quick way to get a similar effect to a salad.

Displacing a poor choice is easier than resisting one.

Appetite

2016-07-29-10-30-41

Before nutrition, consider appetite.

Appetite is an interesting variable — it starts as a source of pleasure. However, its ability to give satisfaction is reduced as I feed it. Eventually, it becomes a source of pain.

During the holidays, we often reinforce:

  • Competitive binges (turkey!)
  • Manufactured scarcity (gravy!)

Well channelled appetite can be a source of tremendous energy. I’ve used my energy to win triathlons, achieve financial independence and, more generally, get stuff done.

But, I have also experienced varying degrees of ill-effects — functional alcoholism, obesity, metabolic syndrome, work-life imbalance, promiscuity.

 

2016-08-14-19-41-30My appetite touches all aspects of my life.

  • Binging (exercise, alcohol, food, sex, fatigue)
  • Scarcity (fear of missing out, fear of loss, envy)

In order for my nutrition strategy to be effective, I need to manage appetite across all areas of my life.

2016-08-15-16-34-57I seek to model what I teach my children:

  • You’ll get everything you need…
  • Unlimited fruits and veggies…
  • Never praise binges – no eating contests, no comments when we stuff ourselves, no keeping score via food…

While my teaching is designed to break the chain, my nutritional approach is a damage limitation strategy rooted in my personal reality!

2016-07-13-20-42-19The first two of our family mantras are designed to moderate appetite.

  • We’ve already won
  • We have more than we need
  • It’s OK to say “no”

By way of illustration, a father rarely needs to encourage a teenage son’s sex drive.

It’s a lot like that with my appetite.

Creating A Life With Meaning

2016-10-15-15-57-57Jonser made flag so I loaded up my Alpha Child and we headed out to Coronado.

I was looking for ideas about about leadership and creating a life with meaning.

2016-10-14-13-48-27We spent the day before at Legoland – a cover story for the trip!

lexi_pinningWe went full “Colorado” for the ceremony – pink cowgirl boots and hat.

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What do models and professional athletes have in common?

By the time they are one quarter of the way through their adult lives, the best days of their careers are behind them.

Here in Boulder, we can pay too much attention to race fitness and body fat percentage.

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2016-10-15-14-10-10So what did Jonser have to offer?

The first thing that strikes me with senior officers is how much they get done.

The trick is being challenged enough to bring out the best in ourselves but not so busy our health, family and marriage suffer.

On the flip side, drive without a socially desirable outlet leads to anti-social behaviors (addiction, aggression, promiscuity).

My Alpha Pup has stacks of motivation, loves rules and respects authority (that’s why she got the trip to Coronado). She also loves people.

2016-10-15-15-08-14Everyone who makes it through Aviation Officer Candidate School, or Med School or an MBA program has motivation.

What’s a key differentiating factor for success?

oathEmpathetic listening.

When Jonser listens to me, it is like I am the only person in the world.

Here is a skill that can be learned, and is often ignored by overachievers.

Listening is a tough one for high-energy folks — how can we get our minds to slow enough to admit external input?

I work on impulse control. Physical first, then spoken word, then relaxing with my thoughts.

As for empathy, my kids started at a buddhist preschool. The school taught the kids, and me, various techniques for taming our inner savage.

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2016-10-15-17-08-18So we have motivated, empathetic listeners, who have tamed themselves. What next?

Lifelong learning and investment in the “person” through ALL levels of the organization.

The military, teaching hospitals, ministry, parenthood — these paths have the opportunity to learn, teach and serve.

Is this a field where I am going to be able to learn for twenty years?

2016-10-15-18-21-13