It’s going to be easiest to explain by putting myself in his shoes.
Let’s say I’m 80 years old and have a stroke, from which I will recover. At the hospital, they discover I need a pacemaker. The pacemaker is required because I have a condition, which is causing my heart to stop beating for up to 5 seconds at a time, mainly when I sleep.
The heart surgeon says I should fix my heart – he’s done the procedure close to 1,000 times. I am likely to see additional years of life.
Why would I hesitate?
I might hesitate because I know my family history.
By the time the pacemaker battery needs replacing (my late-80s) all my grandparents would have been dead, or nearing death.
Here’s what my family tree has been serving up…
- Organ failure with Alzheimers (pacemaker kept on ticking until kidney failure killed the heart)
- COPD with dementia
“Doc, I have a concern we are helping my body last long enough for me to lose my mind.”
No easy answers…
…but here are some questions:
- What’s my mental, physical, spiritual state now? How am I doing relative to peers and family history? There could be very good years left before dementia hits hard.
- Are there conditions/diagnoses where we switch off the pacemaker? Do I want to specify, now, what my power-of-attorney should do? It’s easier for a POA to follow my instructions than struggle to balance the considerations of: past self, ever changing conditions and future self.
- Does my POA have access to a medical advisor with the skill, and compassion, to navigate these decisions? Look for a middle-aged MD, with a large family tree, where the elders frequently live into their 90s.
- Do I have the capacity to continue to bring love into the world? I’d be willing to suffer quite a bit if it was a win for my children.
Lifestyle, diet and modern medicine can greatly reduce our chances of dying early. In each of our family trees, there comes a point where we’ve done about as good as we can expect.
I’ve preemptively forgiven my POA for the decisions that will need to be made.
I’ve had a wonderful life.