In the book, Raising Cain, the authors note that many boys drink to shut down their capacity to think. As an athlete, being exhausted from exercise is quite similar to being loaded. There’s not a whole lot of quality thought happening!
Whether we’re focusing on parenting, adolescence or our current life situation, it can be tempting to numb ourselves and escape a gnawing sensation that we might not be heading the right direction.
The trouble with numbing ourselves with exercise, alcohol, sex, work, pastries, ice cream or toast… is we might not get anywhere worth going.
By the way, when I wonder about my life, I fall back to my personal mission (share love with Monica, help others with my writing and teach my kids how I experience the world). Have I done something on each point recently? If yes, then relax. If no, then change.
When you’re exhausted, loaded or unwatched… who are you?
If there was an invisible friend on your shoulder, what would he see?
Before I met my wife, I came to a realization that I needed to sort myself out, completely. I realized that substantial change needed to occur with my deepest desires. There were three principles that helped.
Be true – I spent twenty years being highly successful at goals that had little meaning to me. While capital generated from external success was, and remains, useful. It didn’t generate lasting satisfaction. The time I’ve spent on self-reflection has proven extremely valuable. Start by stoping what makes you unhappy to create space for more of what makes you happy. Pay attention to things, and people, that make you laugh out loud.
Live openly – I’ve been blogging for a decade and have been working on my skills to be more and more honest with the people in my life. It takes a lot of compassion, and trust, to have an open relationship but it’s deeply rewarding to have a marriage that works.
Avoidance – I have limited willpower so I’ve made a habit of avoidance. I rarely leave the house for social events, skip bachelor parties, don’t frequent bars, and ride my bicycle all day when I go on vacation. It’s been that way for a long, long while.
You might wonder… how the heck did this guy meet his wife?
Well, I spent five days a week training alongside her when I was trying to win an Ironman race. I spent many years living my life the way I wanted and improving my thought patterns. I did this to try and win an Ironman but the spin off benefit was attracting a woman that deeply shared the values that I built within myself.
I just “was” and she was there.
I’m sharing because many young people wonder how, and if, they will ever attract a mate. If you create the life you want to lead and the person you want to be… then you tilt the odds in your favor and your life, while single, is a lot of fun. People might not agree with your decisions but, when they are open and true, any criticism will flow through you more easily.
There is a lot of peer pressure, and sophisticated marketing, that tempts us to drop our standards when we are on holiday, when nobody is looking or when we think we’ve earned a break.
Secret eating, secret sexual relations, secret drinking, even small things like littering… eroded the image of the man that I wanted to be. By teaching myself to create good habits, I became the sort of person I wanted to marry.
What happens in Vegas shapes our lives.